That is the only word for what has happened here. There are stronger words, but they don’t fit, not for me. At least, not for this me.
I sit here on this nearly empty plane, and pour through everything as it happened. They lied. The heart was mine, I was a fool. I trusted the “Family” to protect it, and instead they gave it to Albriecht. A man who would use it, and my blood to create a new body for my soul. He got more than he bargained for.
I know now what has happened. She wasn’t just a clone of me, she was me. Something happened in that cave, something that no one expected. I was reborn, utterly, and split. My spirit fled, and was forced into another shell, but what was left was rebuilt within this body, the new body that the umbra forged for me.
I will never tell him, but Abel killed me. The real me. I am some great, cosmic joke of a copy. Not real, but not a fake either.
I cannot even begin to explain just how much pain fills me at the idea of what the beast, that monster did to us. I know now why she attacked me. She was hoping for the same that I was… death. It is what I would have wanted, and knowing what he’d done to me, and my family, it was what I wanted. Some crimes are too much for one mind to accept.
That is why in my mind, what I did to Jonas Albriecht was only a sliver of the pain and torment he deserved. Cursing his name and forcing him to come back, knowing who he was… striking his name from our histories, was not enough. It will never be enough. Not for everything he’s done to me, to Finn, to Abel.
I was told that Finn was laid to rest in a hole with no honors. They stole his klaive and showed him none of the honors he was due.
Albriecht kept me away, not because I would corrupt him, but because I would love him and if I wouldn’t have Albriecht I wouldn’t have anyone.
I’ve been looking back into the past, I know my names now, all of them and I remember. Before Abel had been one of the five, his father had before him. His father, a silver fang with considerable sway in the council that established the litany… He had approached my former self, and I rejected him. Ammenustasia, my name. I loved his son, and in his jealousy he cursed me, and my line to become barren if we mated with another wolf. He outlawed my love… forcing him on a kinfolk woman.
My love was always willing to sacrifice for what was right, and in the end he was earned a crown, and my people were ruined to the last. This is how it began.
Years later, a lone white wolf pup was born of two brindle wolves, it took her a matter of years to find her rage, and shift. The curse lingered however, and she forgot the feel of her fur as she ran through the forest and was taken in by a family without children.
They had no idea what she was… and with no memory she was treated as kin, a carrier of a rare bloodline. This was the reason that my Finn recognized me so many years ago. He felt our bond through the ages, and the wolf that still howled inside me.
So, when the time came, I took my love, my Finn, home. Back to where it started. I planted a new tree, and watered it with my pain filled tears and said my last goodbye. Which was much less that, than a farewell for now.
As I said the final rites, I felt a change, like skin crawling over skin… that was when I saw the fur… I threw my head back and howled one last time, the sound that lept from me was alien, but in that moment I knew. This was the last thing that this false king had taken from me.
So now, I go home. To a world that will forever change and a law that will be eternally broken. With knowledge of where I go now. Skara Brae is now once again a beginning. For my head now turns to Milan and vengeance.