The Road to Skara Brae

A suitable End
A journal from the perspective of Elizabeth Bartlett-Fleming

Violation.

That is the only word for what has happened here. There are stronger words, but they don’t fit, not for me. At least, not for this me.

I sit here on this nearly empty plane, and pour through everything as it happened. They lied. The heart was mine, I was a fool. I trusted the “Family” to protect it, and instead they gave it to Albriecht. A man who would use it, and my blood to create a new body for my soul. He got more than he bargained for.

I know now what has happened. She wasn’t just a clone of me, she was me. Something happened in that cave, something that no one expected. I was reborn, utterly, and split. My spirit fled, and was forced into another shell, but what was left was rebuilt within this body, the new body that the umbra forged for me.

I will never tell him, but Abel killed me. The real me. I am some great, cosmic joke of a copy. Not real, but not a fake either.

I cannot even begin to explain just how much pain fills me at the idea of what the beast, that monster did to us. I know now why she attacked me. She was hoping for the same that I was… death. It is what I would have wanted, and knowing what he’d done to me, and my family, it was what I wanted. Some crimes are too much for one mind to accept.

That is why in my mind, what I did to Jonas Albriecht was only a sliver of the pain and torment he deserved. Cursing his name and forcing him to come back, knowing who he was… striking his name from our histories, was not enough. It will never be enough. Not for everything he’s done to me, to Finn, to Abel.

I was told that Finn was laid to rest in a hole with no honors. They stole his klaive and showed him none of the honors he was due.

Albriecht kept me away, not because I would corrupt him, but because I would love him and if I wouldn’t have Albriecht I wouldn’t have anyone.

I’ve been looking back into the past, I know my names now, all of them and I remember. Before Abel had been one of the five, his father had before him. His father, a silver fang with considerable sway in the council that established the litany… He had approached my former self, and I rejected him. Ammenustasia, my name. I loved his son, and in his jealousy he cursed me, and my line to become barren if we mated with another wolf. He outlawed my love… forcing him on a kinfolk woman.

My love was always willing to sacrifice for what was right, and in the end he was earned a crown, and my people were ruined to the last. This is how it began.

Years later, a lone white wolf pup was born of two brindle wolves, it took her a matter of years to find her rage, and shift. The curse lingered however, and she forgot the feel of her fur as she ran through the forest and was taken in by a family without children.

They had no idea what she was… and with no memory she was treated as kin, a carrier of a rare bloodline. This was the reason that my Finn recognized me so many years ago. He felt our bond through the ages, and the wolf that still howled inside me.

So, when the time came, I took my love, my Finn, home. Back to where it started. I planted a new tree, and watered it with my pain filled tears and said my last goodbye. Which was much less that, than a farewell for now.

As I said the final rites, I felt a change, like skin crawling over skin… that was when I saw the fur… I threw my head back and howled one last time, the sound that lept from me was alien, but in that moment I knew. This was the last thing that this false king had taken from me.
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So now, I go home. To a world that will forever change and a law that will be eternally broken. With knowledge of where I go now. Skara Brae is now once again a beginning. For my head now turns to Milan and vengeance.

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No more secrets
Personal Journal of Elizabeth Bartlet-Fleming

I’d never channeled a spirit before.

I’d never even thought to, but in my desperation, my need to connect with one person that would have the answers I needed… I acted.

Every thought, feeling, reason, knowledge flowed between us in perfect harmony as our many lives coalesced in one perfect moment. A moment that left me raw and bleeding for nearly a week.

I remember everything, but through his eyes and not just mine. The years of longing, echoed but unknown that spread between us, the final realization that all was not for nothing, that we finally, finally had breathed those long held secrets between us. The pain of my mate, knowing that I belonged to another, yet not… my grief and long held regret for things I had never said, and never done.

It married perfectly, so perfectly that we did not think or speak for a week. I didn’t even see him. It was much like that last time I had seen Finn, my heart so wrenched by grief… but not because under it all was the complete and total joy of finally having told him everything that I felt… the joy of knowing that love was returned.

My Abel now knows more about my internal thoughts than I had ever intended. I love him, but he is not Finn. I treasure him, but in the way that you grow to love a constant companion. I grew to feel for him because he represented what I squandered, and now he knows.

I expected something, anything more than I what I say when we finally spoke.

There is more, I remember the lives we shared before, every one.

I remember a Silent Strider, and his mate… and a White Howler, a theurge.

Then I recall a giant brute of a man — Cuchulain and his wife Emer… and his mistress.

Finally I remember hell. The fires and flames, a beast unlike anything I had seen before and a man, Donte. I was Beatrice, The beast, Malbolge.

It was then that I realized that three of us, in every life have played this part, so many times. Finn, Viola, myself. Different roles, but always the three of us… his anger was echoed in the way I treated her when I had finished channeling. He blames her for taking me from him, leading me down a darker path. He still does, after all this time.

Perhaps this is the life where we all three end up not at odds, but together with those that we love… but my Finn is already gone, and I’ve made peace with it, he knows what I needed to tell him. There is more at stake than my heart, there is a world – torn and in need of healing, and as the one that was tasked with trying, I have to do at least that.
Elizabeth Bartlet

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What Lies We Tell Ourselves.
Finn Brody

Why did he call me. Did he think i could influence Brinna into helping. Or did he have some other motivation behind it. He is still very much like a child in his mind. His thinking is simple but he means well. I could not do it anymore. To stay with him and to see and feel everything that goes on between him and Elizabeth was tearing what remainder of my soul i have left. I know my reaction has caused at least two holes in hearts that i care about.

Poor Brianna. She has been my true companion from the day i was born. Raising from me from a young pup to the man i grew into. I never truly know how she felt about me until it was to late. But why would a Fae with that much power find so much love in her heart for a wolf. Hopefully one day i will see her again to explain why i did what i did and to thank her for being there with me through everything. The good and the bad. She was my foundation in life.

If seeing Brianna was heartbreaking, why did Elizabeth have to be there. So many emotions ran through my head. I wanted to leave out of there as soon as i heard her voice. But trying to keep her safe was all i could think about. Why could’t she just be quite and listen for once. Even now i miss her. My actions from the past still haunt me to this day. Why, I ask myself did i leave? Why didn’t i try to help her? I guess at that time i thought she was unsaveable. She turned into something i never excepted her to become. It broke my heart then. For when i looked into her eyes as she was feeding the was only emptiness. She was gone to me then. So i left. Was it the right thing to do? Probably not. But I needed to do something that would make her think of what she did. What dark path she was heading down. Needless to say her path lead me to my own.

I often think if i should have done anything. I always come up with no. If i did not do what i did she would not have found her own salvation. She would not be mortal. She would not have the family i wish we could but never have. It is not fair to her to wish anything different. I just hope she is happy. That is all i ever wanted for her. Even thinking about us being on the road the early year,s how much she smiled and how she even still my heart back then. She was innocent, freshly turned and so scared. I took pity on her and decided to protect her then to kill her. Which lead to so of the best times of my life. I miss those days. What would life have been if she was just mortal. I would surely hope it is what she has now. But with me and not him.

So now i will wait. What is time? Just a concept. I will have everything ready for her when she leaves that realm. Everything will be perfect and maybe then we will get that happily ever after.

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Over and Over
...I fall for you...

He’s gone.

The connection that stretched between us slowly evaporated as I stood there and watched him go. You know the worst part? After all these years, he still couldn’t shut up long enough to let me say my peace.

I cannot express this to Abel, it would be incredibly unfair but I wanted that one last moment with the man I have loved for as long as I have existed… but because of how it was done, I was robbed. I did not even get to say the words. Those words that have run through my mind more times than I can count and should have flowed from me… but no, seeing him there, hearing him there… I couldn’t find the words.

Time was wasted and instead of telling him what he’s waited three lifetimes to hear… I argued.

Death is not an end… it’s not the absolute… but it is a long way off before I will find him again. Robbing Abel and our children of a lifetime of memories would be unfair, but then again so was the hand I was dealt.

I watched a movie once, where a man chased his wife into hell because she’d killed herself… in the end they vowed that if they could find each other in hell, they could find each other in Jersey… How long do I have to wait before I get Jersey?

One last fight, one last war, and maybe when it is over I will get to rest… After I save them. After I do right by my children, my mate, my friends. They will see a new day, and then I will get to rest.

Just one more fight until Jersey.

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A place beyond the sun
Personal Journal of Elizabeth Bartlett-Fleming

Twenty years should have been enough. It should have been long enough to protect our family, deal with our emotions and move on. It should have been enough to prepare us for what was coming but it wasn’t. It never will be and I’ve come to understand that I will never heal.

My daughter has fallen in love with Angus, and I can honestly say that I am happy for them. They were beginning a life together and in the beginning I hesitated, in the end I believe it was jealousy. Jealousy that they would have what I shunned for the sake of protecting someone that I love loved. I hope that when this is all said and done, they avoid the mistakes I made and find happiness in a world that will never accept them for what they are.

The spiral came for her, the came for Aisling and they ravaged her. I don’t know that she will ever recover but she will have someone beside her to remind her who she is… and hopefully Angus is wrong and she is less like me in the end. No one deserves that curse. I wish I could say that we rushed to her rescue and saved her, but in truth… we destroyed the people that did it, and reclaimed the caern, but she will have to decide to save herself.

I don’t know if Abel understands how painful it was to hear Finn’s voice coming from him, but it was more than I can bear. I have tried and failed so many time to just summon him so that I could talk to him… to tell him all the things that he deserved to hear but it would be a violation to force him to listen… and it’s not something I can ask Abel to do for me. He doesn’t need to hear a lifetime of regrets and lingering love for a man that was cast aside and reclaimed too late.

I saved him, and they took him from me. I know I’ve said this a hundred times… but I feel robbed and on the other hand its no less than I deserve. I don’t deserve the release of all of the things I’ve held onto for so long. It’s my personal punishment for every moment of pain that I put Finn through, and every second that I spend thinking about a dead man instead of the very live one in front of me every day.

The house we stayed in wasn’t just a house. It was a memory. I lied when I told them it was my family home… it was an old hunting cabin that I had weathered in one night with him, when we first met. I’d purchased the land and built a house on it years ago to conserve the memory. Then I sealed it and warded it and let it stand as a permanent memorial. Abel’s constant flashes of the past have made me understand that I have to let it go. It hurts too much to keep.

I don’t know if these entries are making it easier to deal with if it just makes it worse because I’ve actually thought them through. At any rate it gives me a release so that Abel doesn’t see, something that I would prefer continues. He doesn’t need to constantly be reminded that he’s the remainder of a connection that should have died over one hundred years ago. Not only that but he’s grown to mean more than just that, which only leaves me feeling consistently more torn.

I know one thing though, we won’t be going home to Skara Brae any time soon, and I’ll need to stop calling it home,because it cannot be.

The grand moot has forced me into an uncomfortable position. I want to kick and scream and act the fool due to the unreasonable restrictions placed on me and mine, simply due to the fact that I am a breeder. Truthfully, I’m certain that it isn’t a universal view, but the implication is frustrating. I cannot speak at the moot unless called on, and even then they don’t have to listen or trust me. It’s almost the most infuriating thing I have ever experienced.

Then there is the constant attention to their need to have children, and I understand it but the fact that it’s all consuming when there are larger problems is almost more than I can take. With any luck and perhaps Gaia’s intervention we can be done with this soon and back to the problem at hand.

Elizabeth Bartlet

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Malebolge

Geryon.jpgMy head is filled with images of the past. Sometimes of happiness and more of lately they have been of darkness. One name keeps haunting me. Malebolge. Why him a entity of pure evil. His acts more evil then i wish to explain. The death and destruction he has caused in a mortal life has transcended into the darkness he became in death. If that is what you want to call it. He has the face of an honest man on the body of a beautifully colored wyvern, with the furry paws of a lion and a poisonous sting in the pointy scorpion-like tail. He sits on a throne of pure obsidian, Below him he looks over the masses of charlatans, liars, cheats, people who spread lies and corruption throughout the world. He manipulates everything to appease his own needs , no matter what. He spreads chaos and lies. Promises the world to later turn it on the one that least excepts it.

How do i know so much about him ? I guess it is because i see everything as if i was looking through his eyes. One biggest thing that disturbs me in these dreams is that The Harvester has a bent knee to me.

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Remembering
A journal of Loss

I don’t think of it often, but occasionally I see someone, or something and the memories of so many years ago are as fresh and new as if they were yesterday. Something about that soldier reminds me of a pair of boys I used to know so many years ago.

Samuel and Freddie came to us in New York. Angus found them, and brought them to me as if they were lost puppies like so many others we’ve taken in over the years. The difference being, theirs is a loss I have yet to accept. I grieve them, still, after all those many years.

Freddie died protecting Sam in 1855. I wish I had never been selfish enough to animate him… it would have spared us all the injury. His fetters were few and he was easily laid to rest, but he deserved peace, not an eternity in my service. No one should suffer that.

Samuel was harder, he was like my own child after all the years we were together. I watched him grow and become a man, and then I sent him to his death. I thought… I thought I was saving him from becoming like me. I already saw the changes in myself, I knew I was losing. I saw the distrust in Finn’s eyes as I had slowly begun to spiral out of control.

And as much as I would still like to blame his leaving, his fall on Koto, or Poole… I know in the end that it was me. I killed Sam, I killed Finn. My actions, my selfishness, drove the both of them to extremes to protect me from myself and in the end, I watched Sam die, and I watched Finn leave.

In that moment, the last shreds of my humanity were stripped from me, and I enthusiastically diablerized the toreador beneath me as if my actions no longer mattered. I was a monster.

I feel as though I should explain that I wouldn’t trade what I have now, not for a moment but sometimes I look at my sons and remember the boys that trusted me to care for them and in the end I let them down.

Perhaps I’m only thinking of this because I see more Finn in Abel’s eye’s than I want to. The way he watches me, makes certain that I don’t slip into old habits. The way he—no, my regrets there are many, and perhaps that is what this is about. Voicing all those regrets. My inaction, my indifference, my embrace of the darkness that curled around my frozen heart like a noose.

I know I am no long bound to it, but I am cursed with the memories of a life that was selfish at it’s core. Perhaps it still is. I have everything, and I’ve left my friends with an emptiness that oozes from them. Perhaps it is my destiny to pay for all of my many missteps, and I hope, should that be the case, that I can pay for them without my children paying for it after I am gone.

In the end I know what happened would have happened anyway, but it doesn’t mean that I wish I wasn’t the reason for so much pain. It is my cross the bare in this I suppose.
So I do, silently, painfully. I grieve for those who’s deaths were my fault in some way, for the humanity that I cost them and myself, and for the love that they should have had and did not.

Elizabeth Bartlet

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Percy's Torment

I can’t stop crying, This pain will not go away It hurts so bad, I never thought any thing could be worse than not who your sire was. It is worse losing people that you were connected with and that you care about. This is not the way it was suppose to be, My only family that I remember is gone, I didn’t mean for any of this to happen, I was suppose to protect them all! I am alone I lost my best friend, the only person I had for so many years. All because I am an idiot. Then I lose Liz, she was kinda like a mom and big sister rolled into one. She was always getting mad at me, I really did try. I always teased her about abel, just cause it was fun. I really was glad that she was happy. I wish she was here know. I hope she is ok, She probably completely hates me know. I fucked everything up. Because of my Stupidity I started this damn war that got Sara and Corson. Fucked Liz up and changed Viola. I think it is time I go away, so I can’t hurt anybody else. I am gonna go to Milan and talk to the Don. Let him know about Liz. Then I am gonna end this once and for all I gonna go visit him for one last time. We shall see if he has the answers to end my suffering. A way that I don’t have to live with this for eternity. Time will tell

Percival

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Viola's Tour Log: Entry 1

I lavished and pouted forever. a decade maybe. Nothing is as it was and in some ways that is a good thing. Calm. Right. I released an album in my own name (Hah Masquerade!) and performed in that place that was once mine. (Well, I guess technically it still is, but it’s a far cry from the happy and embracing establishment it once was.) I still miss it all. That seems silly to say. All the horror, fear, loss… why do I miss it? I still am stuck in the House… often alone, like I can’t leave. I’ve become that strange single woman who lives alone in her affluent home. How pathetic. People go on with their lives I suppose, but I feel adrift.

Liz is Beth now and she has her own life, one I am partly envious of and one I abhor the thought of at the same time. Either way, while I am pleased for her apparent happiness, I miss my companion of centuries, and I miss having an equal. So many of these young ones are so tied in their humanity. My how they would freak out if they knew the horrors I’ve lived. I miss the ones who perished. I still dream of them often.

I also miss… it. I didn’t think I would. Not having that “other” crawling within me is a relief, but the power it gave me was intoxicating. A delicate line to walk, and now that I’m free of it, I’m not entirely sure that I haven’t fallen from the tightrope without a net. Changing my appearance is arduous. I miss being a man sometimes. I still dream of my brief time as Curt Cobain, though mostly that trashy debacle just makes me smile. The power… I can’t even dwell on how much I’ve lost there.

Time to get up and get on with it I suppose. It’s that or take The Sleep. So I’m staring down this bottle of purple hair dye… If I’m going to start a new venture, I should look the part I guess. How old am I? I can’t even remember…

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Life and Dreams

Sometimes the things that may or may not be true are the things that a man needs to believe in the most: that people are basically good; that honor, courage, and virtue mean everything; that power and money, money and power mean nothing; that good always triumphs over evil; that love, true love, never dies… No matter if they’re true or not, a man should believe in those things because those are the things worth believing in.

This is what moves me every morning. It has been 15 years since the day Beth came back to me from the darkness, that was consuming her. The bond we have shared over the many life times still grows stronger everyday. But things are so different this time. We have been able to live in peace for years. We have children, many children. All as perfect as the one before them. Life on the island have wonderful for the most part. Our own little paradise. But……

The dreams still haunt me of White lion walking a white spiral. But unlike the black spiral, it is ascending the spiral. The higher it goes the brighter the spiral becomes. Other times it is a dream about The Harvester. I can see the death and destruction that he brings. Nothing is safe, the world as we know it will fall into great despair for the wyrm will devour everything. The wyld and weaver will be destroyed and the wyrm finally wins. I have woken up in a cold sweat several times from the dream. Beth tries to comfort me. She tries to get me to talk about them but, i do not wish to trouble her. But something tells me she has an idea of what troubles me.

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